The Digioffice
by Francine and Bay
Summary: This series delves into the lives of the workers at Eto Doihara paper supply company in Odaiba, Tokyo. Regional manager Tai Yagami is a single, middle aged man who is the boastful tour guide. Also, Joe, Izumi, Takuya, and T.K. Digimon 1 thru 5 Crossover


A/N: What would happen if you took Digimon characters (seasons 1-5) and put them in The Office TV show? Let the OOCness abound... NOT A CROSSOVER.

This story contains several references to Japanese culture. Author notes are at the end of the chapter in case any of you are unaware of the reference. It´d be really appreciated if you read the notes because some references are crucial to the ´jokes' - you won´t understand the joke if you don´t get the reference.

Opening shot:

Interior Odaiba Office

Joe's face screwed up in concentration as he clipped his toe nails. The nails fell onto his workspace. Joe blew the nails onto another desk. (Zoom out to show T.K., sitting at the desk) T.K., noticing the clipped nails, looked up at Joe and pursed his lips.

The Office conference room

Head Shot: T.K. Takaishi - _A young, attractive male in his upper twenties. Has blonde hair and blue eyes. Wearing a crisp button down top._

"So… I'm not a temp anymore. I got Takuya's old job. Which means, at my ten-year high school reunion, it will not say, "T.K. Takaishi is a temp." It will say, "T.K. Takaishi is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm." That'll show 'em."

Interior Odaiba Office

Izumi was tapping away at her keyboard, doing her work, when she suddenly looked up and glanced at Takuya's old desk.

_Flashback_

_Takuya and Izumi kissed. After a while, Takuya pulled away from the kiss with a small smile on his face. Izumi slipped her hands into his._

"_You have no idea how long I've waited to do that."_

_Izumi smiled too. "Me too… I think we're just drunk."_

"_No, I'm not drunk. Are you?"_

"_No."_

_Takuya leaned in for another kiss._

"_Takuya…"_

_Takuya pulled back, surprised. "You're really gonna marry him?" he whispered._

_Izumi nodded reluctantly._

"_Okay."_

_Slowly, Takuya and Izumi's hands slipped away from each other…_

End flashback

The Office conference room

Head shot: Joe Kido - _A geeky looking man with a bad, messy bowl cut and big, thick, old man glasses. Has dark blue hair and brown eyes. Wearing a puke-yellow suit._

Joe pretended to cry. "Takuya is gone! He's gone. I miss him so much." He choked on a fake sob. "Oh, I cry myself to sleep, Takuya!"

He stopped crying.

"False. I do not miss him."

Cut to Intro

(folk-rock plays, showing shots of Tai Yagami, Joe Kido, Takuya Kanbara, Izumi Orimoto, and T.K. Takaishi)

**The DigiOffice Chapter 1: The Gays**

Interior the office… outside of Tai's office

Looking into the blinds of Tai's office, the cameras see Tai and Ken talking.

"No, that's the fun of the place. I call everybody 'faggy'. Why would anybody find that offensive?" Tai said loudly.

"Okay, I think Cody would like if you just used 'lame' or something like that." Ken said calmly.

"That's what faggy means."

"…No, not really."

Tai made a disappointed groan.

"Apparently," said Ken, "You called Cody faggy."

"Yeah."

"For liking the movie _Shakespeare in Love_ more than an action movie."

"It wasn't just an action movie, it was_ Die Hard_."

"All right, Tai, but Cody's really gay."

"Exactly."

"I mean for real."

"Yeah, I know."

"No, he's attracted to other men."

"Okay, little too far. Crossed the line."

"Okay, I am telling you, Cody is an actual homosexual."

Tai stared, confused.

"Yeah, he told me this morning," said Ken. "And obviously he hopes he can count on your discretion."

Cut to head shot of Tai Kamiya - _A man who's gotten by in years. Short brown hair, brown eyes, and deep wrinkles on his skin. Wearing a black suit._

"I would've never called him that if I knew. You don't… you don't call retarded people retards. You call your friends retards when they're acting retarded. And I consider Cody a friend."

Cut to interior office area

Cody and Tai were at the copier. Cody was making copies.

"Listen man, I'm so sorry. I had no idea." Tai said.

Cody blinked, then he realized what Tai was talking about. He looked around.

"No, it's fine."

"No."

"It's okay, it's okay," Cody said in a low voice.

"No, it's not. I just. I feel terrible about it."

Cody vigorously shook his head.

"I've been calling people faggy since I was in junior high, and I have never made this mistake."

Camera cut to J.P., who shakes his head seriously.

"If I don't know how to behave, it is because I am just so far the opposite way. You know? I'm just-I-I can't even imagine… the… thing. Maybe we could go out for a beer sometime, and you can tell me… how you do that to another dude."

Cody didn't know how to respond to that.

"That sounds like a great wonderful idea. Let's do that," said Cody.

Tai went back to his office, and Cody went back to his desk. As Cody sat down, J.P. and Mimi looked at him.

Cut to head shot of J.P.

J.P. giggled uncontrollably.

Cut to head shot of Mimi

"It explains so much."

Cut to head shot of Cody

"No, I'm not gay. And I don't understand why anybody would think that I'm gay if…" Cody sighed. "Uh… yeah, I'm gay."

Cut back to head shot of J.P.

J.P. was trying to stifle his giggles.

Cut to Miyagi office

Takuya was sitting at his desk, talking on the phone to a client. "I can't say whether Eto Doihara paper is less flammable, sir, but I can assure you that it is certainly not more flammable."

Voice over - Takuya

"_Why did I transfer to Sendai?"_

Cut to head shot of Takuya Kanbara - _An attractive man around 30. Has light brown hair and brown eyes. Wearing a white, long-sleeve, button-down shirt._

"I… think that's pretty obvious… I got promoted."

Cut to Takuya's new desk

Takuya was staring out the window.

Voice over - Takuya

"_And you can't beat that view, right?"_

One of Takuya's new coworkers, Kouji, scooted to Takuya's desk. "Hey, Big Squid. You're single, right?"

"Mm-hmm, yeah, I am," replied Takuya.

Kouji looked at a pretty redheaded girl across the room. Takuya followed his gaze.

"Pretty hot, huh?"

Takuya squinted, then he nodded.

"She's completely crazy. Steer clear, Big Squid. Head for open waters."

"Okay."

"Okay."

Kouji turned back around. Takuya looked at the camera.

Cut to head shot of Takuya

"I ate a squid sushi on my first day, so Kouji started calling me Big Squid. I don't think any of them actually know my real name."

Cut to head shot of Kouji

"Big Squid is a super ambitious guy, you know? Cut-your-throat-to-get-ahead type of guy. But I mean, I'm not threatened by him. I went to Todai. You ever heard of it? I graduated in four years, I never studied once, I was drunk the whole time, and I sang in the a capella group, "Koko takane kuru" (translation: Here Comes Treble)

Cut to Sendai conference room.

The Sendai office members were sitting in the room, including Takuya, Kouji, and Ryo Akiyama, their boss. Ryo was talking to the office members.

"So, at the end of the day, we are going to have a little diversity policy freshener, because of some more problems at the Odaiba branch," Ryo was saying.

Takuya shrugged at the camera.

"...And I have a list of business startups I got from the Chamber."

Everybody groaned.

"Yes, I am going to need someone to cold call them."

"Oh, I can do that," Takuya volunteered.

A dark-haired girl looked at Takuya with spite.

Cut to head shot of girl

"Takuya's nice enough. I don't- I don't know how well he's fitting in here. He's always looking at the camera like this." She shrugged at the camera in an imitation of Takuya. "What _is _that?"

Cut to Tai's office

Tai and Joe are standing by the window, looking at the rest of the office.

"Can you tell who's gay and who's not?" Tai asked.

"Of course," said Joe.

"What about Cody?"

"Absolutely not."

"Well, he is."

"Well, he's not dressed in women's clothes, so…"

Tai sighed. "There could be others. I need to know. I don't want to offend anybody else."

"You could assume everyone is, and not say anything offensive," Joe said sensibly.

"Yeah. I'm sure everyone would appreciate me treating them like they were gay. Hey, what about Mimi? She's hard and severe. She could be a gay woman."

"I really don't think so."

"I don't know," Tai said. "I can imagine her with another woman. Can't you?"

Joe grinned wickedly.

"Do some research. Find out if there's a way to tell just by looking at 'em."

"Takuya told me you could get gaydar online."

"That's ridiculous."

"Yeah, probably. He didn't tell the truth a lot."

"Let's call him and get the website."

"Definitely."

Cut to Takuya's new desk in Miyagi

"What's gaydar? Oh, oh, gaydar! Yes! No, uh, I think they have it at Radio Shack..." Takuya smiled at the camera. "…Oh, you know what? I can check for you… No problem…" Takuya pretended to type on the keyboard. "…It's sold out. Yeah, sorry about that…That's a bummer."

Cut to Tai's office

Tai hung up the phone. "Well, they're sold out."

"Damn. Try Chimakiya." Joe typed something into Tai's computer.

Cut back to Takuya's desk

Takuya smiled. "I miss that."

Cut to the office, reception area

Izumi was working at her desk. Willis walked in, carrying two foil covered plates.

"Chicken or fish?"

Izumi looked up. "Uh, chicken."

Willis handed her the chicken plate and she put it aside. "So, you, uh, having a good day?"

"Excellent. Thanks," Izumi replied.

"Good. I'm glad. Okay." Willis left. The camera zoomed in to Izumi's hand.. Revealing NO ENGAGEMENT RING!

Izumi voice over

"_Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding."_

Izumi looked up, and realizes what the cameras were filming.

Cut to head shot: Izumi Orimoto - _A pretty young woman in her mid twenties. Has blonde hair and green eyes. Wearing a faded blue sweater over a cheap-looking white ruffle blouse._

"I got cold feet a few days before, and… I can't really explain it. I just had to get out of that relationship…We still had to pay for all the food. So we froze it. But I'm… I'm doing well. I've got my own apartment, and I'm taking art classes, and I have lunch for the next five weeks."

Cut to head shot: Willis

Location: Warehouse

"After Izumi dumped me, I, um… kind of stopped taking care of myself for a while there, and uh… I hit rock bottom when, uh… I had a drunk driving arrest."

Cut to Willis's mugshot: _Willis, bruised and bloated._

"I've been working out, and, um, you know… I'm not gonna take her for granted." The camera zoomed in to Willis, revealing him trying not to cry. "I've gotta win her back."

Cut to head shot: Daisuke

"I got them a toaster. They called off the wedding and gave the toaster back to me. I tried to return the toaster to the store, and they said they no longer sold that type of toaster. So now my house has got two toasters."

Cut to the accounting area

Mimi and Cody were working when Kari walked up to Cody.

"It is so cool that you're gay. I totally underestimated you," Kari said with all her usual subtlety.

Cody's mouth dropped open.

Cut to head shot of Cody

"Yes, I am super cool. I am an accountant at a failing paper supply company. In Odaiba. Much like, uh, ."

Cut back to accounting area

Kari walked away. Mimi poured some hand sanitizer into her hands and glared at Cody.

Voice over: Mimi

"_Sure, sometimes I watch _Last Friends_. And I want to throw up."_

Cut to head shot of Mimi

"It's terribly loud. I do like it sometimes, when Nishikido Ryo is on. He's so talented..."

Cut back to accounting area

Yoshi walked over to Mimi's desk and picked up the hand sanitizer bottle. She read the back of the label, and, satisfied with the alcohol content, squirted some in her hand and licked it.

Cut to Sendai office

Kouji opened his drawer. Inside was his calculator inside some green Jell-O. He picked it up and put it on his desk.

"Okay. Who put my calculator in Jell-O?"

Takuya turned around. He grinned at the camera.

"Good one," Kouji said. "But, uh, seriously. Guys, who did this?"

When nobody answered, Kouji stood up. "Seriously, who did this?"

Takuya grinned at the camera again.

"I need to know who put my calculator in green Jell-O or I'm gonna lose…" Kouji violently kicked a trash can across the room. "…_my freakin' mind_!"

Takuya got a scared look on his face and pretended to focus on his computer screen. Then, he looked at the camera and shook his head subtly, his eyes wide as plates.

Cut to the Odaiba office

Catherine walked into the office, dressed up in a high-class suit. She waved in an overfriendly manner to Cody. Cody just stared at Catherine.

Voice-over: Catherine

"_You know, it-it's amazing to me that you could be so… obtuse…"_

Cut to Tai's office

"…a-about sexual orientation!"

"I watch _The L-Word_, okay?" Tai said, grumpily.

"Good, good."

"I watch _Queer as_ [BEEP]."

"That's not what it's called."

"So…"

"Okay, Tai, are you aware that you outed Cody today?" asked Ken.

"What? What does that even…"

"Coming out is a significant moment for a gay person. And they should be allowed to select the timing and manner of announcing it," Catherine said.

"Well," said Tai, "Gay pride, right? Gay pride parade? It's not like… Gay Shame Festival."

"All right, now Cody's feeling discriminated against by his coworkers, primarily Mimi, and um… that's your fault," Ken said.

"I think Mimi might be gay," Tai said. Catherine put her head in her hands. "Could Cody and Mimi be having a gay affair?"

"No," Catherine said immediately.

"Maybe. Is that what this is about?"

"No."

"I don't-"

"No. It's not possible."

"Anything's possible."

"Okay… you know… imagine you were gay."

"Well, I'm not gay, Catherine, and you should know that better than anybody." Tai turned to smile at the camera person.

"Tai!"

"Hmm?"

"Your immaturity is extremely disappointing and may even lead to a lawsuit, which is the absolute last thing this company needs right now, do you understand?"

"I know."

Cut to head shot: Tai

"The company has made it my responsibility today to put an end to 100,000 years of being weirded out by gays."

Cut to later, in Tai's office

Cody was sitting in a chair across from Tai.

"Am I the first gay man you ever knew?" asked Cody.

"Trick question," Tai said. "Because you can't always tell, so how would I know? Was that the right answer?"

Suddenly, someone knocked on Tai's door.

"Yep?"

The door opens, revealing Izumi, and behind her, a crowd of people are gathered around Joe's desk.

"Tai, Joe is looking at gay pornography on his computer," said Izumi.

Joe looked up. "Uh, Tai knows, Izumi. Okay, he asked me to do this just for him. He has his own reasons."

Tai got up and shook his head as he walked towards Joe's desk. He looked at the monitor.

"Phew, nothing wrong with this stuff. At all. This is fine. You know what? Gay porn, straight porn, it's all good. I don't particularly get into this.. But, uh, you know what? I totally see the merit. And, actually… it is quite beautiful."

"Oh, damn pop ups," Joe said.

"What are you doing?" asked Cody, who had just made his way to Joe's desk.

"Watching some of your friends," said Mimi.

Cody started walking to his desk. "This is stupid. Excuse me."

"Don't touch me," said Mimi. Cody nudged her. "Help! Ow!"

Joe jumped up from his seat and started to run towards Cody kicking and screaming. Tai had to restrain him.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Stop it!" Tai let go of Joe and started pointing at everyone accusingly. "All right, everybody in the conference room. I don't care if you are gay or straight or a lesbian, or overweight. Just get in here! Right now!" Tai yelled.

Cut to the conference room

Everyone was sitting in chairs. Several people were sitting at the large table. Cody was sitting immediately to Tai's right.

"We're all homos. Homo sapiens," began Tai.

The camera zooms in on Izumi, who turned to T.K. with glee at Tai's statement.

"Gays aren't necessarily who you think they are, people," said Tai.

T.K. noticed Izumi staring at him. "What?"

Izumi's face fell.

"I mean, anybody can be gay. Businessmen. Like, antique dealers, or hairdressers, or … accountants. Cody, why don't you take this opportunity to officially come out to everybody here, however you want to do it. Go ahead. Stand up. I'm doing this for you."

Cody stood up. "Yes, I'm gay… and… I didn't plan on sharing that part of my life with you today, so … whatever. Can I sit down now?"

Voice over: Gennai

"_I am not offended by homosexuality."_

Cut to head shot: Gennai

"In the sixties, I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors. In the mud and the rain. And it's possible a man slipped in. There would be no way of knowing."

Cut back to conference room

"Who, should be the judges and juries of our society?" Tai asked the room.

Mimi raised her hand. "Judges and juries."

"Yes, that's a good point," said Tai. "She has a good point. Because gay marriage, currently, is not legal under Tokyo law. I bet a lot of straight men wished that applied to them. So they could go out there and have torrid, unabashed, monkey sex. As much as they could. You know, that sounds pretty good, right?"

"That sounds great," J.P. said.

Joe raised his hand.

"Yeah, Joe?"

"I think all the other office gays should identify themselves, or I will do it for them."

"No one else in this office is gay," Cody said.

"What about Miyako? She makes absolutely no attempt to be feminine."

"I'm getting married to Hachiro Shima," Miyako said.

"You are?" asked Daisuke.

Everyone started congratulating Miyako. Izumi noticed Miyako's engagement ring.

"When did you get that?" Izumi asked.

"That's great. Congratulations, Miyako. That is great. And frankly, kind of amazing. See? Everybody has a chance," Tai said, clapping his hands together.

"Thank you," said Miyako.

"But still, Miyako… in college, did you ever experiment with other women? A lot of women do."

"No, and you know me in high school. Of course, we all thought you were gay in high school."

Tai laughed. "Yeah right…" Tai noticed Cody's face. "…And I take that as a compliment."

"Well, with your ties and your matching socks-"

"Well, I just liked to look good, okay, so-"

Cody crossed his arms. "You sound pretty defensive, Tai."

"No, I am just coming out myself. I am coming out hetero."

"I think the problem with this office is that YOU are sending out mixed signals about my being here," Cody said.

"No, no, no," Tai said. "The only signal that I am sending is, 'gay good'." Izumi's eyebrows shot up into her bangs. "Look, if I was gay, I would be the most flamboyant gay you've ever seen. I would be leading the parade covered in peacock feathers, and just… I'd be waving that rainbow flag." Mimi gave J.P., who was grinning, a sour look.

Cody turned to Ken. "I don't think I can work here any longer." He turned back to Tai. "This has been the worst, most backwards day of my life."

Cody got up and started for the door.

"You misunderstand- okay. All right." Tai got up and ran to close the conference room door. "You know what? Okay. Okay, I, uh… I'm gonna put my money where my mouth is. You ready?"

"Wh-what are you doing?" Cody asked.

"I'm going to embrace Cody. You might want to watch this, Mimi, because you can't catch anything." T.K. looked uncomfortable already; Mimi rolled her eyes. "Here we go."

"No."

"We are going to make a statement. You and I are going to make a statement together. Cody is my friend."

"I'd rather not."

"And I just don't care who sees it."

"I-"

"Doesn't bother me."

Tai moved in for the hug. "Come here, friend. You're my friend."

"No, NO!" Cody forcefully pushed Tai away. Tai stumbled backwards and almost hit the door.

"I don't want to touch you! Ever consider that? You're ignorant. And insulting. And small."

"Okay…" Tai attempted to smile at the camera, but his face fell. Miyako looked down. Izumi looked down. "All right… um…" he started to open the door. Cody put his hand on the door and closed it.

"I'm sorry, Tai. Tai. I'm sorry. That was a good idea. Come on." Cody held his hands open for a hug. Izumi turned to the camera with her eyes wide. "Come on… all right…" Daisuke blinked.

Tai started sobbing on Cody's shoulder. "I'm sorry I called you 'faggy'…"

"I know, I know."

"You're not faggy."

"I know you are."

"You're a good guy."

"You too."

Voice over: Joe

"_Tai appears to be gay too."_

Head shot: Joe

"And yet, he is my friend. I guess I do have a gay friend."

Cut back to conference room

"You know what? I'm gonna raise the stakes," said Tai, whose arms were still around Cody.

"You don't… you really don't…" Cody muttered.

"I want you to watch this." The camera swivels to the group, and they all look equally shameful. The camera swivels back to Tai. "And I want you to burn this into your brains."

"I don't think we need to-" Cody said.

"Because this is an image I want you people to remember."

Everybody looked at Tai with unbelieving shock.

"For a long time to come. Whenever you come into this office, I want you to think about this." Tai said.

"We don't need to-" Cody said.

"Yes, we do," said Tai.

"What?" asked Cody.

Izumi's mouth dropped. Beside her T.K. put his hand up to his eyes, but slowly lowered it, as if he couldn't help watching. Tai slowly, painfully leaned into Cody. Finally, Tai managed to get his mouth near Cody's, and everyone thought he would stop there, but then Tai's lips puckered up to meet Cody's. Cody tried to get away, but he couldn't. Someone groaned in disgust.

"I did it," said Tai, pulling away from the embrace and wiping his mouth.

"Thank… you…?" Cody said.

"Thank you," said Tai.

Izumi just stared at the camera, confused. T.K., obviously traumatized, looked up at the camera. Cut to Kari, sitting in the back with a gleeful smile on her face and her hands clasped.

"See? I'm still here. We're all still here," said Tai.

J.P. started clapping. Joe got up from his seat and walked intently over to Cody. He leaned in for a kiss but he only managed to get Cody's cheek.

"For the love of- come on, Joe! Come on, man!" yelled Tai.

Cut to head shot: Tai

"We're not in the playground anymore. There are new rules. We have to be mature, but we can't lose the spirit of childlike wonder."

Cut to the office area

At the end of the day, everyone was getting ready to leave.

Voice over: Tai

"_What is love, anyway?"_

Cody was the first person out of the door.

"_Maybe it's supposed to break all the rules."_

Cody passed by T.K.'s new desk. Izumi watched Cody leave, then slowly, her eyes go to T.K.'s desk- Takuya's old desk.

"_Like me and Catherine…"_

Izumi's eyes slowly fall.

"_Or Cody and some guy…"_

Cut to Sendai's conference room

Mr. Brown stood at the front of the room, presenting his Diversity Day presentation.

"_Life is short. When two people find each other…_"

The camera panned to Takuya, who was sitting by himself.

"…_what should stand in their way?_"

"It's very easy for you to be a hero," said Mr. Brown.

Takuya grinned softly and turned to the empty seat next to him.

"All you need are honesty, empathy, respect, and open-mindedness."

Takuya's face fell.

Cut to Tai's office

Michael was looking out the window while putting on his coat.

"I'm glad today spurred social change. That's part of my job as regional manager. But you know what, even if it didn't, at least we put this matter to bed." Tai turned to the camera. "That's what she said. Or he said." Tai looked out the window again. Outside, a lime green Volkswagen beetle was stalling in front of the building. An attractive man with blond hair around Cody's age was talking to Cody.

"Oh, there's Francis, Cody's roommate." Tai turned to the camera. "I wonder if he knows."

Cut to head shot: Cody

"I was going to quit, but Catherine offered me a three month paid vacation and a company car. All I had to do was sign something saying I won't sue. Francis and I are going to America." Cody looked directly at the camera. "Kids, sometimes it pays to be gay."

Cut to the Odaiba office area

Joe was cutting open a box on his desk. He pulled a note out of it and read aloud, "Hope this helps. Takuya."

At the reception area, Izumi perked up and looked at Joe's desk. Joe pulled out a metal detector wand to which Takuya has affixed the labels "HOMO" and "HETERO" to.

Joe surveyed it. "Nice."

Cut to accounting area

Joe approached Cody with the wand.

"What are you doing?" asked Cody.

"Shh. Don't be scared," said Joe. Joe began to wave the wand around Cody. When the wand reached Cody's belt buckle area, the wand started beeping.

Joe smiled, happily. "It works." He started walking away, when the detector went off… near his own belt.

"Oh no."

At reception, Izumi tries not to laugh, then got a thoughtful look on her face.

Meanwhile, Joe's wand continued to beep.

A/N: So the first chapter is over and we've already lost one of our employees. Speaking of Cody, he's GAY? Is Tai right - could there be others? Izumi is single now – what's that mean for Takuya? And what's with the new mysterious girl at Sendai? Find out on the next episode of The DigiOffice.

* – Eiji Kabashima, a celebrity and photographer in Japan who is openly gay.

*_Last Friends_ – A J-drama featuring gay characters.

*Todai is another name for Tokyo U, one of the top universities in the world, located in Tokyo, Japan


End file.
